My single mama pet peeve… stop comparing your frustration to my single parent struggles!
If I had a dollar for the many times a married woman or woman in a serious relationship told me, they understood how I felt as a single mother- I’d have pretty fat piggy bank. That is a serious problem. How can they truly look at any single mother in the face and utter those words. The best instances of this happens on social media. Usually it is the tired mom who has correlated being tired and not having enough support, to being a single mother. Let’s first let that sink in. So, because they are tired (let’s be real all moms are tired) and probably not getting the amount of support they expect, they feel “single”? That is an interesting concept, because as a single mother I never feel married or “together”.
This is a topic many many may married, engaged or just happily in a relationship mothers have attempted to argue, well not argue but, disagree with me on. But not one of them could relate to scenarios I presented as a single parent. Much of the common arguments were:
- My husband works a lot
- I’m with the kids more than my husband
- Sometimes the partners are only a body
- Some moms don’t get enough support
- I do everything
Now to be fair. These are all valid reasons to feel burnt out as a mother period, but they do not equate to what it actually feels like to be a single mother and if you think it does, wouldn’t you be more empathetic for single mothers who endure what you think they do? This is a question I have asked many friends, associates and colleagues and in the end, the light bulb clicks and they begin to see where I am coming from…again as a single mother.
These are my responses to the common arguments…
- That is amazing he is able to work hard and provide for your family. I am sure you are appreciative of his efforts to bring income into your household. I can’ relate to that because I am the only source of income, but what a blessing you have, to have a partner so invested in your financial future.
- That is tough and I can relate. Out of 7 days a week if you had to leave your kids with your partner, could you at least once? Oh you could?! what a blessing.
- Sometimes all I need is a body. A body so I can take a nap, can pass a bill, can have a girls night or even a few moments to myself. Although in a relationship having a partner that is just a body is not a desired aspect, it is still more than what a single mother has.
- I agree some moms do not get support and I think that is horrible. They then have to consider the state of their relationship because, regardless of their level of support, if they get anything from their partner they have more support then a single mother.
- What mom doesn’t do everything. Imagine having to, with no exceptions. Add +1 to everything that you do.
Now, I do not aim to discredit those tired moms or unsupported moms in any way. I think as moms we need to be more empathetic of each others situations. If I could,I would say why not create your own “feeling”, your own category of struggle, instead of describing your challenges to those of a single mom, because at the end of the day, you either are or are not. There is no on off switch. Sometimes we do not aim to offend but in our actions, we do. I genuinely feel for those mothers “who feel like single mothers” because for many they do not truly know what they feel. and unfortunately, I cannot offer advice to that matter. I think for many they need to self-reflect on their role in their relationship, their expectations and determine how they can address their feeling of being “alone”. To my mamas who are probably tired and fed up hang in there, stand your ground and let your partner know how you feel.
To my single mamas, have you encountered this statement?